Members' stories

Elizabeth and John

We got married in June 2002, the happiest day of our lives, I never believed I could be so happy as I did on our wedding day.

As we were already in our thirties we wanted to have children soon, so although we weren’t trying as such we were open to new life. 5 months after getting married my husbands father died and so we had grief to deal with early on in our marriage. As a result of this shock I have problems with my cycle. I already knew that I had PCOS and so was aware that I may have difficulty conceiving.

I consulted a doctor, about a year after our wedding. I was referred to a consultant and was prescribed clomid to help me to ovulate. I took clomid for 3 months without success after which we were offered IUI and IVF but because of our religious beliefs as catholics we did not want to take these options.

We found out about the Life Fertility Programme and started charting and started taking medications to regulate my hormones. After 9 unsuccessful cycles we could not be offered any more treatment as I had taken the 12 months legal allowance of clomid and there was nothing more they could do for us. We therefore closed the door on treatment in June 2006.

The infertility journey has been one of many mixed emotions – grief, loneliness, anger, sadness and sometimes hope but this was always shattered with each unsuccessful cycle. The journey through treatment was a rollercoaster of all different emotions, extremely intense at times.

The desire for parenthood is so strong I could not understand why God would deprive us of the most natural thing in the world. During the 4.5 years of trying to conceive I have seen friends marry and have children and watched every sibling, on both sides, have more and more children as we come from large families.

I can only describe this experience as feeling like everyone has gone on a long journey and left me behind. The feeling of loneliness and isolation increased as each friend or family member had children and it felt like I was on the outside looking in.

I don’t understand why this has happened but during my infertility I have tried to keep close to God and at many times have felt His reassuring presence and strong conviction htat this is all part of His will and He has a purpose in it all, I just have to trust.

The cocktail of emotions calmed down once we had shut the door on treatment and accepted that we may never have our own biological children and we are now beginning the journey of adoption. I know that our journey through adoption will be another emotional journey but with the hope that we will become parents to a child or children in need of a family. I am both positive and apprehensive but I am daily handing my life over to God and praying for the grace to accept His will and whatever He has in store for us.

I don’t expect the pain of IF to disappear completely and still at times feel sad and a sense of longing but am coping better with life as time goes on.